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No sideboob?! CBS memo calls for Grammy talent to cover up

Jordan Strauss / AP file

Over at MTV's Video Music Awards, sideboob may actually be required for stars like Miley Cyrus to gain access to the red carpet.

As awards season rolls on, we were getting excited for this Sunday's Grammy Awards, if for no other reason than the red carpet always manages to be a bit more of a skin-baring spectacle than say, the Oscars. But CBS has dragged a needle across that record with a memo detailing why sideboob won't be tolerated for this telecast.

The network is requesting that all talent appearing on camera take steps to be "adequately covered." Buttocks, female breasts, bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack, bare sides or under curvature of the breast, breast nipples and the genital region are all listed as "problematic." Oh, and no lapel pins backing any organized cause (stuck on those lapels you're not wearing to cover your chest).

Deadline.com offered up the fleshed-out advisory, and it's an entertaining read:

Date: February 5, 2013, 10:39:56 PM EST
Subject: 55th GRAMMYS: Standard And Practice Wardrobe Advisory
-kindly confirm receipt of s&p standards-
***GRAMMYS 2013***

CBS Program Practices advises that all talent appearing on camera please adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe.

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could  possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.

Perhaps CBS saw enough televised flesh for one month during last Sunday's Super Bowl halftime show. Some complained that a gyrating, leather-clad Beyonce only lacked a stripper pole to complete her act.

But in an age when Grammy regular Rihanna is posting a sexy new photo to Instagram every other day, we're skeptical of CBS' ability to bring us less boob with our tube. This was the event, afterall, that made Jennifer Lopez and her cut-to-here Versace gown a worldwide phenomenon. And that was way back in 2000! Before nudity was a thing!

Remember Pink's 2010 Grammy performance of "Glitter in the Air"? She left most of her clothing on the ground and rose above the audience for a dripping wet, aerial act that exposed all kinds of "problematic" buttock. Cirque-du-no-way is that OK.

On TODAY Thursday morning, Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford laughed their way through a segment on the memo as Kotb held up a New York Daily News article headlined "CRACKDOWN." "I think telling rock stars how to dress is probably not a great idea," Kotb said. "Because now it's teeing it up for what will definitely be people showing more." 

On Twitter, users lost their shirts in the rush to call attention to CBS' request.

"This really is the best corporate memo ever written about, pardon my language, "female breast nipples," said @nprmonkeysee.

"That CBS Grammy memo about not wearing revealing outfits makes me 95% less interested in watching the Red Carpet coverage. :-(" wrote @dmachado.

If you do still want to watch, the Grammy Awards air Sunday night at 8 p.m. ET on CBS. Dress appropriately.

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